Navigating Routine Changes
Change can be jarring, especially for children that experience stress and uncertainty in transitional moments. For those with immature reflexes, resetting to more rigid routines can feel threatening. A firm tone from a parent or caretaker may feel harsh and, rather than answered with respect, can be met with Moro-driven resistance. By having intentional conversations in the days leading up to the start of school, and even in those early weeks, families may diffuse some of those stress-filled moments.
Think about the steps that go into the pre-school morning routine. Consider the afternoon window, filled with pick up, backpacks, gym bags and hunger. Practices, homework, balanced meals, and decent bedtimes can clash with appointments, school projects, tests and competitions. All of those things have meaning and value, and should be addressed with constructive planning for predictability. Plan out what needs to be done, but also ask ‘do you need help or can you do this on your own?’ Checking in helps clarify, and also allows children to feel a sense of control within the safe boundaries of parental trust.
Set goals for the weekdays, and even weekends for that matter, but make them simple enough so that everyone feels success. Whether it’s a paper planner or a digital device like the Skylight with color-coded time blocks, families can utilize visual aids to create a plan that feels attainable. Discuss the week ahead of time, and talk through potential challenges and conflicts with openness. Not everything can be anticipated, but having a shared plan ensures voices are heard and some uncertainty considered.
Importantly, by asking children what they think they should do or even how long they need to do it, we’re helping them develop their prefrontal cortex and executive functioning skills they will need for the rest of their lives. If their choices mean they run late, or fail to complete a task, gently discuss with them whether the plan worked or not. When we reflect on schedules without blame or anger, we are providing security and allowing mistakes as we learn.
This is the time of year that also allows an opportunity for adults to model healthy habits and clarify expectations. Routine, not rigidity, can be also be comforting. By creating a schedule that allows everyone to contribute their own roles and responsibilities, we’re fostering confidence throughout times of transition. Involving our school-aged children in planning a routine is an important stepping stone for growth. Collaboration gives a voice to all members of the family, and what works for one family member effectively might not work for all. As our children grow, they will gain security in their own ability to shift with schedules and feel accomplished in the goals they set.
